Portobello Mushroom Spinach Wrap w/ Home-made Chipotle Aioli

Title picture: recipe at bottom

Last Tuesday¹ marked the end of my self-imposed exile from meat – for lunch, I had stir-fry, and threw in some bacon just because I could – and it tasted awesome. There is something about the chewy, meaty, wholesome flavor of meat that simply cannot be replicated, no matter how intricate the synthetic substitute.

Hard-boiled quail eggs: like chicken eggs, but a miniature version that tastes way better

I made it through the week eating relatively well, compared to my prior forays into eating vegetarian – I deep-fried tofu (possibly removing all health benefits attached with said protein), made hard-boiled quail eggs to go with my stir-fry (a favorite of mine growing up), and had a lot of salads.

Quail egg stir-fry with deep fried tofu over rice

One of the biggest issues I have with eating vegetarian is how bland a lot of the food is – without that bite of meat to complement a meal, it often seems that my plate is missing something integral to a dining experience. 

Vegetarian for the week, and a recipe for scalloped potato gratin

Scalloped potato gratin - recipe at the end

Vegetarianism blows. There’s no two ways around it. I know more than my fair share of them, and to me they fall pretty neatly into two camps – sensible vegetarians who, for dietary, religious, or other reasons, don’t eat meat, and fucking crazy vegetarians (all vegans fall in this category), who, for mostly moral reasons, refuse to eat meat and take perverse pleasure in telling you that you’re ruining the world by consuming animal flesh.

The vegan argument: who the fuck is out there eating dogs, cats, and parrots, anyways? And that's not just any pig, it's Babe. A talking pig who herds sheep is in no way representative of the pigs that people eat.

It’s not that eating vegetarian has to be synonymous with eating shit – I enjoy having a salad for a meal, pasta with simple tomato sauce, stir-fried vegetables, breakfast for dinner (sans bacon). But it’s much harder to eat well when an integral part of your diet – protein – sees its options slashed by about 92%. You’re left with tofu and whatever disgusting synthetic meat-imitating garbage it is that Whole Foods sells, even though we both know you just eat grilled cheese and frozen French fries four days a week anyway.

This, incidentally, is what strikes me as most annoying about voluntary vegetarians – claims that they are living healthier or cutting the fat out of their lives are almost entirely false. They eat half-meals at 7 PM so that after going out they can come home at 1 AM and order a whole Papa John’s Cheese Pizza, and let’s throw some cheesy bread in there with that order, and hey while we’re waiting for the pizza why not pop some popcorn and make some mac n’ cheese to pass time?

Meat is an integral part of a balanced diet – though of course, a shocking number of Americans overindulge and ignore the “balanced” part of that statement, opting instead for three griddled patties at Edzo’s or two-dozen wings at Buffalo Wild Wings. So integral, in fact, that I don’t think I could live without meat for an extended period of time.

Ode to Rollin'

Worship-worthy homemade potato chips.

Cuisine: Italian/ Sandwiches

Location: 910 Noyes St., Evanston, IL

Price: $

Food: So amazing, you'll cry tears of joy.

Service: The guy behind the counter who always greets me as "bro" is positively awesome.

Overall: God, I really want to go and get a sandwich from there RIGHT NOW.

Website: http://rollin2go.com

It took me a whole year of being at Northwestern to make my way out to Noyes St. for food. Armed with a meal plan bequeathing me a never-ending supply of grilled chicken, sandwiches incorrectly made to order, and whatever the disgusting vegan option of the day was (Quinoa! Seitan! Tempeh!), I ate most of my meals in the dining hall¹. This was made easier by the fact that I lived in a dorm where the dining hall was in the basement, so dinner consisted of knocking on everyone’s door at 5:30² and traipsing down the one flight of stairs to the lovely Elder dining hall.

So, in retrospect, it was entirely reasonable that I would never bother to make the 10-minute walk west³ for an entire school year. Which is a shame, because on Noyes St., one can find the greatest sandwich establishment known to mankind – Rollin’ to Go.

I wouldn’t formulate that opinion until sometime during my junior year, when, finally weaned off of dining plans, I ate out significantly more often, and it was the closest option to where I lived. The very first time I went, it wasn’t exactly a memorable experience – at about 4 PM on Dillo Day, having eaten a few pancakes but having also drunk approximately my body weight in shitty tasteless rum or whatever the alcohol du jour was, I was not only completely inebriated but also so exhausted from waking up at 8 AM and going to three concerts in a row that I passed out at the table waiting for my sandwich.